No Regrets

11 Feb

I have some strange thoughts sometimes.

Hadassah stopped breast feeding when she was 9 months old. It goes against every logical argument in my eyes in biology and survival. I do think part of the reason is that I was working, my milk supply was decreasing daily, and I was pregnant. After she stopped breast feeding, I literally grieved for months. In fact, I think it was only a month or two before Emmanuel was born that I came to terms with reality, and i think a large part of that happened only because I knew I had another little baby on the way to breast feed. After bearing a child,the second thing that makes me feel utterly feminine is breast feeding / producing breast milk. Even though I have stopped grieving the process with Hadassah, I still feel sad when I think about it. I try to comfort myself with the fact that she is an extremely comfortable, sweet, and secure little person, and she sleeps well, in her own bed, all night long.

On to my strange thoughts:

Emmanuel is a big baby. 14lbs at 8 weeks old. That’s how big Hadassah was at about 5 months old. I’ve taken pride in the fact that my breast milk is basically awesome. However, recently I’ve actually started…grumbling.

Ugh, he’s so heavy!
Ugh, carrying the car seat was so much easier with Hadassah!
Ugh! It’s so hard to whip him around in the middle of the night!

And most regrettably:

He isn’t a tiny little newborn. He’s a huge newborn. In fact, I think it’s safe to use the word giant. He’s in the 90th percentile for weight! So I caught myself actually grieving the fact that he wasn’t tiny. And it made me sad. I need to dwell on all the good things. I mean, the fact that he is comparable to Baby Hughey is an awesome thing! He’s growing like a (fat) little weed!

So that was my strange little thought for today that I’m going to try to correct. There is no reason to live with that as one of my regrets!

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3 Responses to “No Regrets”

  1. JIBlakley 25 February 2013 at 08:42 #

    I’ve heard that breast milk tastes different once you’re pregnant. Maybe that’s why she stopped! I am so nervous and excited at the same time about breastfeeding. Did you have a good pump to use while you were at work? Eek! So much to anticipate!

    • Rachel 25 February 2013 at 11:43 #

      I heard that too and think that might be a possibility. I know my goal is to not get pregnant so soon this time around, so I am hoping to breast feed Emmanuel longer! I have a Medela Pump in Style, which was my sister’s and is actually over 8 years old now! I’m sure it isn’t quite as efficient as a new one, but the lactation store at my hospital actually tested it out and told me even though it isn’t quite as strong as a new pump, it is fine to keep using.

      I think I probably just needed to pump more and put more effort in to boosting my supply. It was so hard though because, as you know, teachers have rigid schedules!

      • JIBlakley 25 February 2013 at 15:49 #

        Oh! That’s the one that I am getting too. I totally understand what you mean about the schedule though–I’ve been trying to figure out how that will work if I am supposed to pump every 3 hours… Sigh…

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